Whose fault is it?

OK, I think I’ve heard just about enough to know that I need to say what I feel in my own little corner and hope that it resonates with someone other than just me.

There’s a billowing flow of both blame and dodging swarming through the political realm right now, because of the tragedy at the Tucson shooting.

The strong and unwavering right wing supporters are defending both their integrity and subsequently their right to use rhetorical strategies that perpetuate violence.

(not to mention justifying their racism, too)

“The Arizona shootings were like Kwanzaa come early for America’s liberal fascists” http://t.co/ggxyme7 

“I do not appreciate being called a murderer by the ideological descendants of eugenicists and fascists because I use the millenia-old rhetorical device called a metaphor any more than you do.”  http://tinyurl.com/6gz8msu

The most influential left-wing activists are taking a much-needed opportunity to point out the catastrophe that ensues when political rhetoric is dissociated with tragedies.

But, in my opinion, no one is saying what really needs to be said.

The discourse I’m hearing is just contributing to an on-going cycle; a tired cycle of practiced rhetorical strategy. If progressives point blame towards the right (however justifiably so), the right is armored (regardless of fault) like they always are.

This time the fact is that this incident shows a much, much larger picture that no one seems to want to take responsibility for. A friend of mine shared a conversation with me that she had about Sarah Palin, today. She said that someone told her:

“Well, Sarah Palin is a decent person. She didn’t mean for it to incite violence. People should leave her alone.”

Well, it’s clear that this person and I have a different definition of ‘decent’, but I do kind of agree with her. Of course she didn’t mean to literally incite violence. Neither do most of the people who use the same type of harmful language. When people use violent language like that, they aren’t trying to motivate a killing-spree; they’re trying to exploit the emotive reactions of their supporters. And many leaders do so recklessly.

Even our best intentions have negative consequences.  If we don’t own up to them, then we’re supporting the outcome. If we don’t own up to them, then we’re supporting the outcome. If we don’t own up to them, then we’re supporting the outcome. Did you get that? If we don’t own up to them, then we’re supporting the outcome.

That’s why people are so mad – most people aren’t trying to use this heinous event to destroy conservative ideologues.  Most people are just desperately trying to point out that we need to change something.

We should all recognize our right to say what we want, but we can’t act like it doesn’t mean or influence anything. If what we say doesn’t matter, then why ever open our mouths? You can’t deny the power of the words we choose – it’s just irresponsible and woefully demeaning to the people you seek to influence.

And if you want to keep saying that this shooter at a political event was never influenced by negative/hateful political rhetoric, then fine. But you can’t deny every single one of them: http://www.csgv.org/issues-and-campaigns/guns-democracy-and-freedom/insurrection-timeline

Take responsibility for the things you say. And if you’re looking to make a difference, so we don’t have to endure a tragedy like this again, hold other people accountable too (especially our leaders). We have to prove that we value peaceful and intelligent discourse or it won’t ever, ever change.

…and I could go on into the other contributors, like the value of mental care and availability of fire arms, but that’s maybe for another day.

Black History Month – Is it relevant?

Can you guest post your own previous post?
Well I am doing it…

“If black people want to be seen as the same as everyone else, then why do they want a full month to encourage segregation?”

Oh, there are so many things that bothered me about this statement. It’s what fueled my sudden need to address this “issue.” My initial thoughts were:

‘Either these people don’t think that black history is important enough to celebrate for 28 days – or – they don’t think black’s contributions to their American history is deserving of any particular emphasis.’

However, I won’t let that odiousness soil the important issue. I genuinely want to address it from a critical stand point.

So, let us first clear up that no black American I have ever met has wanted to be seen just like everyone else. We want our differences to be acknowledged for our unique beauty; however, we don’t want our different skin tones and hair textures to be seen as inadequacies.

Secondly, if you think that BHM only helps to segregate our culture from America then you’ve grossly misinterpreted the purpose of BHM. It was started to explore black import to American society. It was started to integrate black history into American history – for the realization black Americans had an imperative role in the development and success of our American country.

“… then why don’t we have Indian History Month, Hispanic History Month, or White History month?”

Well, these are very valid points, but I suggest before you insult someone you take my advice and follow these links: Indian Heritage History Month, Hispanic History Month, Asian Pacific American Heritage Month (in fact Black History Month came AFTER Indian Heritage History Month). For white history month…well, now I’m confused. Possibly you could be more specific. Do you mean Irish History Month? Or German History Month?

AND….Before you assume that BHM isn’t or cannot be all inclusive, simply study it. Could BHM even exist if black Americans were the only ones who thought it was important? Absolutely not.
If you study black American history you will not only discover it’s relevance to American history, but to the entire world. Study black American history and you begin to discover many things about yourself (no matter what color) and the people you surround yourself with. You will discover how people treat one other just to preserve their privilege, how mighty of a force a like-minded motivated people can be, and issues of conformity and lessons that need to be learned in order for our country to progress. Black History is important. Black history IS American History and that’s why America celebrates it.

Finally, for those of you that responded to my question with a disheartened tone. You told me that Black History Month mattered, but was sorely unappreciated. Well, don’t let anyone forget and don’t let anyone assume it’s irrelevant because they’ve been mis-educated. Remember, do not let February be the only month you educate everyone around you about black history – about American history.

(If companies use BHM as a marketing strategy, let them! There should be no outlet forbidden to educate our country.)

Thank you so much everyone who responded to my question! Someone of you thought BHM to be an absolute necessity to realize atrocities of racism, or for mere pride in your own race. Some of you thought BHM is unfair, or simply unnecessary. What ever your response was – it was appreciated. The purpose of all of this is co-learning and I hope you learn from me the same way I’ve learned from you.

Interactive Black History Timeline

McCain is an Idiot

Okay, the title may be inaccurate and a little harsh… maybe he really isn’t an idiot. But why must he make idiot-like comments?

“GOP critics have noted that former Sen. Trent Lott, R-Mississippi, lost his post as Senate majority leader in 2002 after saying that the nation would have been better off if Strom Thurmond had been elected president in 1948 when he ran on a pro-segregation platform as a Dixiecrat.

There has been a “stunning double standard as far as the treatment of Sen. Lott, who also made unfortunate and inopportune remarks, and the treatment of Harry Reid by the liberal left,” McCain said on NBC’s “Today” show.”

Excuse me? How is that parallel? Trent Lott said something along the lines of :

“When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We’re proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn’t have had all these problems over the years, either.”

For those of you, who have the pleasure of not knowing who Thurmond is, he voted against the Voting Rights Act, against Civil Rights Act, and was for racial segregation.

Senate Majority Leader Reid, made an observation that the American public hasn’t let go of its past enough to be ready for a black leader who was darker and with a “negro-dialect.”

Talk about a fallacious comparison. Is it because he said “negro”? Does that make the statement equivalent?

What is McCain’s motive here?

That’s rhetorical – we all know what his motive is.

Dear Chris Brown, no one believes you…

…and those of us who do, are just in severe denial.

I know that many of us who feel some what educated on the situation have lost interest and wish the story would stop being spotlighted. However, I would desperately like to take this (prolonged) moment to shed some light on the actual horrors of the situation.

FIRST, let’s take a look at what Mr. Brown feels he is entitled to:

King: What do you think caused you to be violent? I mean, you have to think about it. Everybody — we all think about ourselves — why did I lose my temper, why did I get angry over this?

Brown: I mean, that’s relationships. I wouldn’t say it’s OK. I think, just in relationships in general, there’s chances where you lose your temper or like arguments get heated or whatever the case may be. I’m not saying domestic violence is a part of relationships.

I feel like that we’re young. We’re both young. So nobody taught us how to love one another. Nobody taught us a book on how to control our emotions or our anger. I’m not trying to fall on the fact that I’m young. I’m just saying it’s a lot of stuff that I wish I could have changed that night.

King: When you hear about all the things that the police and the reports say you did, how do you react to that?

Brown: I’ll just look at it and like, “Wow, like, I’m in shock. Because, first of all, that’s not who I am as a person and that’s not who I promise I want to be.

King: Do you remember doing it?

Brown: No.

King: You don’t remember doing it?

Brown: I don’t. It’s like it’s crazy to me.

Mr. Brown…you don’t remember? How convenient.

Mr. Brown…we know you didn’t lose your temper. You don’t need anger management courses, you need someone to enforce what exactly your entitlements consist of…or better yet, what they do NOT consist of.

(Does he think that we don’t realize that most batterers claim they are in love with the survivor?) We don’t doubt that love was there, we don’t think you hit her because you don’t love her – we know you think you hit her because you believe you are entitled to it, because you needed to exert “Power & Control” over her.

Chris Brown assumes all the appropriate roles that a batterer often does:

• He’s Charming
• Good Looking
• Controls His “Boyish” Charms in the Public Spotlight
• He’s Smart

What we, as a society, don’t recognize is that batterers are all of the above – and more. They are very intelligent, incredibly divisive, and fully conscious of all of their decisions -even if they “don’t remember” after wards. As a society, we often like to think of batterers as people who look unkempt with no education and no class (which they very well could be).Well, thanks Chris Brown for reminding us that just isn’t so.

What’s worst about Mr. Brown’s incident? All signs of lethality are terrifyingly obvious.

Let’s visit national statistics about Domestic Violence and increased lethality warning signs.

• Disregard for consequences – Mr. Brown beat Rhianna in a public place, in broad daylight – he dragged her out of the car for all to see. He either didn’t care about the consequences or thought he was above them.
• Threats to kill the survivor (obviously) – Mr. Brown told Rhianna that when he was going to kill her before the cops got there, if she called them.
• Extreme Jealousy – Hmm… didn’t it all stem from an argument about who she could and couldn’t see? Which also leaks into the next indication of lethality
• Separating the survivor from all of his/her support systems (i.e. family and friends)
• Perceived loss of control over the survivor

Okay, I will stop there. I got sick to my stomach when the incident was first publicized, because every forum or public commentary had hundreds of women and men blaming Rhianna. Including, a talk show THE VIEW.

I was particularly disappointed by them. They blamed her by saying that she needs to leave the relationship and shouldn’t go back for the sake of all women. Then they turned around and said that she shouldn’t have hit him in the first place.

First of all, only Rhianna knows if it’s safe to leave her relationship. Lethality increases 70% when a survivor tries to leave a relationship with Domestic Violence. In some unfortunate cases, it’s safer to stay in the relationship. Secondly, consider all of the millions of reasons you have ever stayed in a relationship when you knew it was over, now multiply that by a fear for your life. It’s not easy.

THIRD OF ALL, I cannot believe The View had the audacity to put any blame on Rhianna. There is a clear difference between Rhianna shoving Mr. Brown and him shoving her back (unhealthy, but still equal) – vs. Rhianna shoving Mr. Brown and Mr. Brown beating the shit out of her. There is a clear “Power and Control” imbalance there. Denying that imbalance on public television is just despicable. Rhianna has no dues to society other than to take care of herself and survive the traumatizing part of her life, the best that she can, period.

We could all benefit by taking the situation for what it was, instead of making assumptions based on what would make us feel more comfortable in our future choices in relationships.

Feminist Marrige an Oxymoron?

We could burn every single bra we own, throw all of our makeup out, grow hair on our bodies until we can braid it, and purchase stock in Birkenstocks, but by choosing to live in society we cannot avoid acting in ways which support the subordination of women. To lead a totally feminist existence, we would have to move to some deserted island and lead a subsistence-geared life, solely in the company of our fellow eschewers of the great phallus. – R. Martin

Renee Martin uses harsh words in her Womanist Musings, but is she wrong?

I’ve often contemplated the hypocrisy in me getting married and the way I preach about feminist lifestyle.

Diamond wedding bands of possession, giant white dresses to ensure my “purity,” and my father “giving” me away to my future husband.

…but it all seems so tempting. I do love diamonds, and a giant dress, and party made for the celebration of the rest of my life (supposedly).

Okay, so the question evolves into…how do you maintain your feminist status without giving up the traditions that you would like to indulge in? Can you?

Is it possible to accept an engagement ring as a woman and call yourself an equal partner? You will now have some symbol of commitment while your partner is still considered a bachelor – hence the bachelor party ‘last night of being single?’ Which is ridiculous, because statistically someone is going to cheat anyways. But I digress. Bachelor Party vs. Bridal Shower.

Is it possible to change your last name for your partner and call yourself an equal partner? No one can find Sally Johnson from grade school on Facebook because she is no longer Sally Johnson, she is now Sally Anthony. A completely different identity according to FaceBook. I am being facetious, of course – don’t make life decisions based on your FB status. But it’s the same concept, how are you equal if only one of you is giving up your previous identity. Yes, there is a lot in a name, otherwise why change it at all?

& the white dress…my goodness… if that is the most absurd tradition that we hold on to. It only magnifies this stigma that women seem to internalize. Their sexuality is ‘dirty’ or ‘radical’ or worst ‘whore-ism’ when no one cares to acknowledge the sexual status of the man.

That certainly isn’t equal.

But, what if you both wear an engagement ring? What if you merge last names or create an entirely new one? What if white wasn’t even a color in your wedding? What if you stretch and skew the traditions to mirror your feminist beliefs? Is it still feminist hypocrisy?

What a REAL Woman Looks Like

That’s not okay to say is it?

Then why is no one else irritated of Fox’s new show “More to Love” ? Why is it impossible to acknowledge an underrepresented beauty of woman, without putting another person down?

I mean – none – not one – of any female in America has a healthy body image, no matter the size. Is it necessary to tell me that because I have a small frame that I’m not a good representation of a woman? I have been hearing that my entire life and I am very frustrated with it.

“Big girls are much more fun than those skinny little ones.”

It’s exciting to see beautiful women feel empowered by their own body image, but really…. that isn’t necessary. Like Monique telling me that “REAL women don’t wear size zeros.” Excuse me? I invested money in your show to tell me I am not real?

I remember in High School a woman came to talk about her anorexia. I listened intently and compassionately, just before she went off on a tangent about how retail-stores like Abercrombie make size zeros just so they can convince women they need to be small. I was dumbfounded by what I was hearing…

We had to write reflection letters thanking her for coming to visit and sharing her story. I politely thanked her for sharing her experience and let her know that retail-stores sell those sizes because real women come in all sizes – in her natural size and mine (size 0). My goodness – I use to intentionally over eat EVERY meal, because I felt like I didn’t look like a ‘real’ woman like everyone around me. It made me literally sick… I wasn’t meant to look like that.

Why don’t people think before they talk? No, I won’t watch ‘More To Love,’ because I am a real woman, too.

Ladies…. why do you ever have to set me back, to put yourself forward?

Sarah Palin Resignation

Yesterday, I bought a newspaper that I usually don’t purchase, because Sarah Palin’s face was on it. I thought it would give greater insight to what all the hype was about. It didn’t. So I’m still confused – and slightly terrified…

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it one more time: Sarah Palin scares the bejeezus out of the left. She is their very worst nightmare: an amazingly charismatic conservative who connects with huge swaths of the right (and more than a few on the left), an ardent protector of the unborn who has put her money where her mouth is (and believe me, the hate she engenders is as much about Trig as it is about anything), a consistent and proven winner who attacks problems (and political opponents) from unexpected angles, and a successful, attractive, unashamed woman.” – Jimmie

Well, I don’t know what a bejeezus is, but I do know that those were definitely not my initial sentiments as a non-conservative non-republican. My first thoughts were “oh, that was unexpected.” And then I looked deeper into what people were saying and I thought “wait….she quit to prove her commitment?”

Palin is attractive – okay, I guess – I don’t see the relevance, but sure.

Palin has great family values – I would never attempt to debate that, but so do I.

Palin is an unashamed woman – why yes she is. There are many unashamed politicians – It’s kind of their job.

But let’s move away from this tedious irrelevance.  I think her advisors suck. Point blank. She comes off insulting. “no more politics as usual” – I’m not sure I get how it is okay for her to denounce every other governor that didn’t run for reelection as individuals taking advantage of the people the vowed to serve. I also don’t understand how she easily soothes so many of her followers by asserting that her failure to abide by her commitment is a gift. Why couldn’t she end “politics as usual by…” by staying true to her commitment and following it through in a way that she calls unconventional? And if what she says is true….what the hell is the point of that commitment to be Governor anyways?

Look, I’m tired of being insulted by a woman who claims to be a feminist. Get the girl a better team of advisors, a new stylist, and a speech writer – because most of her statements are choppy and need a “politics as usual” “maverick” or a wink and a smile in order to tie up the swampy intention. I don’t fear her because she’s “amazingly charismatic,” in fact I think that’s a gross over statement. I fear her, because I hardly agree with a single thing the woman says, but so many people think she’s some kind of a gift to revitalize a party falling behind a curve. I fear her because I think her ineptitude shines bright like a lighthouse.